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"life on life's terms"
Innocently, I attended my wife’s Yoga class Christmas party in December and found myself the winner of a 6 free Yoga classes door prize. Not to be wasteful, I offered the prize to her. Being the kind, beneficent and mean person that she is, my wife assured me that it was only good for me to use. Last night was the first “novice” Yoga class available since then, and I attended.
10 Observations from Novice Yoga Class
1. If I was 25 years old and single – Novice Yoga class is the place to be. 17 students. Two males.
2. Women KNOW men are nervous about Yoga. I’m just saying.
3. Yoga is a very personal experience that blends mental, physical and spiritual activity.
4. Yoga makes you thirsty – take water.
5. If I was 25 years old and single – Novice Yoga class is the place to be. 17 students. Two males.
6. Men, say what you will, but Yoga – even Novice Yoga - “isn’t for wimps.”
7. I’m already sore in place I didn’t know I had (or forgot about).
8. If I was 25 years old and single – Novice Yoga class is the place to be. 17 students. Two males.
9. The Yoga Gallery in Winston-Salem, NC is a kind place.
10. I’ll be going to all of the free classes, (and did I mention, if I was 25 years old and single – Novice Yoga class is the place to be).
I have spent a good deal of energy developing my ability to communicate with others. I have spoken to thousands of people (sometimes at once), conducted countless one-on-one meetings for purposes that range from pastoral counseling to sales appointments, and I am a father and husband. Much of my life has been – as has yours – spent communicating with others.
I would like to offer to you today, what I consider to be the two greatest tools for successful and effective communication.
1. Listening – the saying had been offered “You have two ears and one mouth so you should listen twice as much as you talk.” Am I listening? Here’s an exercise I find helpful. After you have had a conversation with someone, write down everything you can remember about them and what they said. It might surprise you how little you heard. The art of suspending internal commentary in preparation for speaking in order to hear what is being said – is an art often under developed. Try listening and then repeating what you are hearing for confirmation.
2. Questions – there is a lost skill among us; the ability to ask a quality question. Ask people about themselves, what they would like to achieve, why they are here, what their goals are or just what they plan to do today. These and any number of countless questions are the key to understanding and setting a stage for sound communication.
Your turn! What helps you succeed in communication?
“The greatest discovery of any generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitude.” –Williams James
I spent 8 years in higher education, 15 years beyond that as a pastor for a mainline denomination, and studied human psychology, pastor counseling and theology. It took a man with no more than a high school education and a background in construction to teach me something real about people, about me.
I was having a bad day and it wasn’t even 10:00 am. I’d had an argument with my wife. My children were not behaving the way I wanted them to, and my work schedule for the day was so packed that I knew I wouldn’t be able to get all of it done. My brain hurt, my back hurt and I pretty much hated everything and everybody at that moment.
My boss at the time took note of my very bad attitude and asked me to come into his office. I did. He listened to my story and then paused before saying, “You have two choices this morning. You can stay pissed and have a sorry day, or you can do something about your attitude.” He reached in the desk drawer and handed me a card* that resembled one of those “do not disturb” door hangers. On the front and back were a series of saying, positive affirmations. He told me to take it and if I wanted to change my attitude to read the sayings out loud on the way to my first appointment for that day. My attitude wasn’t very receptive. I thought of all the psychological cliques that I knew. I thought about how what I was going through was much bigger than a few clever and witty sayings. I thought of a hundred reasons why his suggestion was, at best, inadequate. I didn’t challenge him. I took the card and headed for the truck. As I walked out of his office he said one more thing, “I bet you’re too chicken to try it.”
I smiled and for some reason warmed up to the idea of proving him wrong. On the way to my first appointment, I read them out loud:
“I will win. Why? I’ll tell you why – because I have faith courage and enthusiasm.”
“Today I will meet the right people in the right place at the right time for the betterment of all.”
“I see opportunity in every challenge.”
“When I fail, I only look at what I did right.”
“I’ll never take advice from someone more messed up than I am.”
The readings continued, and so did the change in my attitude. There is great power in the words we speak to ourselves, and by the time I was done – I did feel better and begin to think on the things I could do to be effective and successful that day. I had once of the most productive days ever. I have never forgotten that lesson.
*The card is produced by Tom Hopkins International and can be found here: Shower Card
January 15th, 2010 at approximately 7:45 pm, I saw something I have never seen before (and likely will never see again) in my life.
My wife and I were ready to leave to go up town for dinner. We let the dogs out into the back yard. My dog ran quickly to the far corner of the lot, stopped by the fence and began barking – continuously and frantically. He kept at it, ignoring my calls and whistles until I had to walk down to get him. It was dark, and although I couldn't see anything, I could hear the leaves being rustled just on the other side of the fence. I couldn't imagine what would be so brave as to continue just a few feet away from a barking dog and a person.
I went back inside and got a flashlight and my wife and we walked down the yard to see. What the light reveal were two opossum, locked in what could be called a “passionate embrace.” Yes, I have seen, with mine own eyes – mating marsupials.
You just don’t see that everyday.
No thank you. I do not want it super sized, mega-made, biggied or mutated. I just want this day regular, normal, simple, as it arrived…
I have had enough of different, trying, intense, involved, complicated, volatile and demanding for the time being.
I'll take a normal day. Thank you.
1. You CAN watch too much CSI
2. You can cough until you puke
3. You can be hungry and too tired to eat
4. Soup is good. Chili not so much
5. Prednisone is an evil drug
6. This isn't my body and I want out
7. Coughing can make you sore in places you didn't know you had
8. It would be helpful if you didn't actually have to breath
9. It is a good time to grow beard
10. My wife is a saint