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"life on life's terms"

IF, by Rudyard Kipling

I was named after the book Kim, by author Rudyard Kipling. Early in my childhood, my mother introduced me to one of his poems. It has always challenged and inspired me in life.

IF

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

-Rudyard Kipling

Quit or Endure?

So, how do you know if it’s time to quit?

I started a Novice Yoga class five weeks ago. I have made it to three classes. I missed the last two for work reasons, and this week isn’t looking too good. The truth is I don’t really want to go. Here’s my problem – I don’t know if I should quit.

I know there are times when it is “good for me” to push through resistances to activities that are good for me. I often have exercised when I didn’t feel like it. I have eaten fresh foods when I wanted less healthy options. Yoga is good for me. I feel good after each class. I can’t say that I enjoy Yoga. I don’t really look forward to going and I’m not motivated to practice between sessions or improve my postures – other than when I am actually in the class. Yet, the once weekly class can’t do anything but help me with flexibility and strength – both things I need.

Am I being a wimp? Am I fighting progress? I don’t really know. Is it time to “man-up” and go or quit?

Simply Move

Hanging on the wall in my office, there is a picture of a tree that changes color and definition to reflect the four seasons. As you walk by the angle of the print causes the tree to shift from a winter scene of bare branches and snow, through sprouting spring foliage, the full greening of summer and then the autumn leaves of fall. From my desk seat, it always looks like autumn.

I like seeing the different images of the picture. The variety, changing colors and images offers a nice change from what is often the static unchanging art of an office space. There are times when I will just move to a different place in my office to see and enjoy the picture differently. It isn't that I don’t like seeing the fall tree, I do. I like seeing the other images, too.

Here’s my thought: My living is often the same way. It is easy to settle into the same routine, the same patterns of moving through life and soon – everything seems to look stagnant. In the same way I have to get up and move to a different place in my office to see the variety of the tree picture, I can move to a different place in my living to see life with new colors.

From a simple move, like visiting a different coffee shop, to a more dramatic change, like ending or starting a new relationship, we can experience the very different seasons of our living. I’m not advocating change for change sake, but I am encouraging myself to remember that sometimes I need t move a little and change my perspective in order to appreciate the rich variety of life.

I sat in a meeting yesterday with a successful local entrepreneur – a very rich man. He was clearly tired, almost exhausted throughout the meeting. After we had finished our business discussions, the conversation shifted as he explained his fatigue. He had spent the previous evening volunteering at a local homeless shelter. As he begin to tell the tale of his time helping others that night his energy lifted, his spirit soared and the conversation moved me to a different place. The business of life glowed more brightly than the drab hues of the previous conversation about his business.

Get up. Move. See. Enjoy.

Another Stranger I'll Never Know

Her head turned and she gazed over her shoulder, across the red silk of her blouse, rippled by the tilt of her head, the pivot of her neck. Her jade eyes, clear and moist, seemed to find mine and I felt a stirring of hope, a long absent curiosity. I wondered about speaking to her, just a word to break the translucent expectations that divided us, that had always divided us and made us strangers. My mind raced to summon the right words. My legs flexed to stand, to walk.

She turned, her hair sliding back into place along her back, bouncing, as if swaying to the final measure of some distant rhythm, and she was gone – again.

10 Observations from Novice Yoga Class

Innocently, I attended my wife’s Yoga class Christmas party in December and found myself the winner of a 6 free Yoga classes door prize. Not to be wasteful, I offered the prize to her. Being the kind, beneficent and mean person that she is, my wife assured me that it was only good for me to use. Last night was the first “novice” Yoga class available since then, and I attended.


10 Observations from Novice Yoga Class


1. If I was 25 years old and single – Novice Yoga class is the place to be. 17 students. Two males.


2. Women KNOW men are nervous about Yoga. I’m just saying.


3. Yoga is a very personal experience that blends mental, physical and spiritual activity.


4. Yoga makes you thirsty – take water.


5. If I was 25 years old and single – Novice Yoga class is the place to be. 17 students. Two males.


6. Men, say what you will, but Yoga – even Novice Yoga - “isn’t for wimps.”


7. I’m already sore in place I didn’t know I had (or forgot about).


8. If I was 25 years old and single – Novice Yoga class is the place to be. 17 students. Two males.


9. The Yoga Gallery in Winston-Salem, NC is a kind place.


10. I’ll be going to all of the free classes, (and did I mention, if I was 25 years old and single – Novice Yoga class is the place to be).

The Two Greatest Communication Techniques Known In The Universe

I have spent a good deal of energy developing my ability to communicate with others. I have spoken to thousands of people (sometimes at once), conducted countless one-on-one meetings for purposes that range from pastoral counseling to sales appointments, and I am a father and husband. Much of my life has been – as has yours – spent communicating with others.


I would like to offer to you today, what I consider to be the two greatest tools for successful and effective communication.


1. Listening – the saying had been offered “You have two ears and one mouth so you should listen twice as much as you talk.” Am I listening? Here’s an exercise I find helpful. After you have had a conversation with someone, write down everything you can remember about them and what they said. It might surprise you how little you heard. The art of suspending internal commentary in preparation for speaking in order to hear what is being said – is an art often under developed. Try listening and then repeating what you are hearing for confirmation.


2. Questions – there is a lost skill among us; the ability to ask a quality question. Ask people about themselves, what they would like to achieve, why they are here, what their goals are or just what they plan to do today. These and any number of countless questions are the key to understanding and setting a stage for sound communication.


Your turn! What helps you succeed in communication?

You Change Your Attitude Now

“The greatest discovery of any generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitude.” –Williams James


I spent 8 years in higher education, 15 years beyond that as a pastor for a mainline denomination, and studied human psychology, pastor counseling and theology. It took a man with no more than a high school education and a background in construction to teach me something real about people, about me.


I was having a bad day and it wasn’t even 10:00 am. I’d had an argument with my wife. My children were not behaving the way I wanted them to, and my work schedule for the day was so packed that I knew I wouldn’t be able to get all of it done. My brain hurt, my back hurt and I pretty much hated everything and everybody at that moment.

My boss at the time took note of my very bad attitude and asked me to come into his office. I did. He listened to my story and then paused before saying, “You have two choices this morning. You can stay pissed and have a sorry day, or you can do something about your attitude.” He reached in the desk drawer and handed me a card* that resembled one of those “do not disturb” door hangers. On the front and back were a series of saying, positive affirmations. He told me to take it and if I wanted to change my attitude to read the sayings out loud on the way to my first appointment for that day. My attitude wasn’t very receptive. I thought of all the psychological cliques that I knew. I thought about how what I was going through was much bigger than a few clever and witty sayings. I thought of a hundred reasons why his suggestion was, at best, inadequate. I didn’t challenge him. I took the card and headed for the truck. As I walked out of his office he said one more thing, “I bet you’re too chicken to try it.”


I smiled and for some reason warmed up to the idea of proving him wrong. On the way to my first appointment, I read them out loud:


“I will win. Why? I’ll tell you why – because I have faith courage and enthusiasm.”

“Today I will meet the right people in the right place at the right time for the betterment of all.”

“I see opportunity in every challenge.”

“When I fail, I only look at what I did right.”

“I’ll never take advice from someone more messed up than I am.”


The readings continued, and so did the change in my attitude. There is great power in the words we speak to ourselves, and by the time I was done – I did feel better and begin to think on the things I could do to be effective and successful that day. I had once of the most productive days ever. I have never forgotten that lesson.


*The card is produced by Tom Hopkins International and can be found here: Shower Card

A Life Long First

January 15th, 2010 at approximately 7:45 pm, I saw something I have never seen before (and likely will never see again) in my life.


My wife and I were ready to leave to go up town for dinner. We let the dogs out into the back yard. My dog ran quickly to the far corner of the lot, stopped by the fence and began barking – continuously and frantically. He kept at it, ignoring my calls and whistles until I had to walk down to get him. It was dark, and although I couldn't see anything, I could hear the leaves being rustled just on the other side of the fence. I couldn't imagine what would be so brave as to continue just a few feet away from a barking dog and a person.


I went back inside and got a flashlight and my wife and we walked down the yard to see. What the light reveal were two opossum, locked in what could be called a “passionate embrace.” Yes, I have seen, with mine own eyes – mating marsupials.


You just don’t see that everyday.

Just Regular Please

No thank you. I do not want it super sized, mega-made, biggied or mutated. I just want this day regular, normal, simple, as it arrived…


I have had enough of different, trying, intense, involved, complicated, volatile and demanding for the time being.


I'll take a normal day. Thank you.

10 Observations While Having Pneumonia

1. You CAN watch too much CSI

2. You can cough until you puke

3. You can be hungry and too tired to eat

4. Soup is good. Chili not so much

5. Prednisone is an evil drug

6. This isn't my body and I want out

7. Coughing can make you sore in places you didn't know you had

8. It would be helpful if you didn't actually have to breath

9. It is a good time to grow beard

10. My wife is a saint