Viewing entries in
"humor"
A few years back, while searching out possible retirement locations, my wife (bless her heart) and I were considering Tallahassee, Florida. Not anymore.
Florida, the often selected retirement destination for northerners who woke up one day from a Winter slumber and realized, “Hey – snow, ice, heating bills and fast paced talking is optional,” was never high on my list of retirement destinations. I’ve enjoyed visiting the glass bottom boats, reptiles shows, Flipper aquariums and sipping “all the orange juice you can drink for a dime,” but always felt that Florida was – well, not really the South. Let’s face it, you can throw a case of darts in Miami and the closest thing to a Southern you’ll hit is a South American. Don’t get me wrong, I like diversity, but I prefer the slow drawl and sweet tea of a Southern lifestyle.
Enter my wife. Although she’s not a Southerner, she married me and that makes her – well, smart and acceptable. She also grew up (read 'went through adolescence') in Florida (read 'Fort Lauderdale') and to college at Florida State University – which is in Tallahassee – which isn’t really in Florida even though it is the capital of the state. Tallahassee is located in the Florida panhandle and is very close to Georgia and Alabama. My wife suggested that it was a possible retirement location, in Florida, in the South. Today’s Sunday Coffee Cup is a souvenir of our Tallahassee considerations.
Here is what I learned about Tallahassee:
1. It is a great city with lots to do – including worshiping regularly at the Florida State University shrine of Bobby Bowden.
2. Once you leave the city – there is really nothing else. Pine and palm forests, humidity you can bath in, heat that only makes you sweat more, an abundance of biting and stinging insects and pencil thin ‘beaches’ and ocean that looks like the froth of a day old latté.
3. Hiking consists of walking across level ground for miles, dodging spider webs and large spiders between pine trees.
4. The tea isn’t sweet enough.
5. You can’t get anywhere from Tallahassee. You have to go somewhere else first (read off the beaten track).
6. There are some very nice people who live there.
So, I don’t think we will be moving to Tallahassee for retirement. You know the old saying “It’s a great place to visit, but I wouldn’t want to live there.” Well, the latter is true.
Go Seminoles! Heh.
I flew Delta this past week and now I'm afraid of Lincoln , esurance and Fairfield. Here's how it happened.
 |
| Delta Airlines Flight Safety Video |
During the take-off taxi, we were shown 3 advertisements prior to the safety video - Lincoln, esurance and Fairfield Inn. I get that. Airlines aren't able to make enough money on the ticket prices, so a little advertising revenue here and there is necessary. Then, right after take-off, but before the "you may now use your portable electronic devices" announcement, the video screens fired up again and showed us the same three ads. I tried to turn off the screen glaring at me from the headrest of the seat in front of me, but NOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I was a captive audience. Then it occurred to me - I was living a "Clockwork Orange" moment (if you are too young to know the movie reference, leave this post now and go watch the film. It's historically significant... well to my history, anyway.)
 |
| 1971 A Clockwork Orange |
Here's the rub, take-off is one of the most tense moments in the flying experience. Anyone who has given any thought to the process knows that if something goes wrong during those first few minutes of take-off - it is bad (we're talking THE END bad). So, if you want to program me to associate stress with your product or brand, show it to me when I'm at one of the most stressful moments of my travels. I had this same experience on my return flight as, well. Same timing. Same brands.
Thanks Delta. Thanks Lincoln, esurance and Fairfield. I now can't drive a Lincoln, insured by esurance to my meeting at the Fairfield without a nagging feeling that I might crash and die.
*Note - the limo that took me from the airport to the resort and back was - you guessed it - a Lincoln. I'm scarred for life.
It is very interesting what one can learn from listening.
 |
| Photo via Old Shoe Woman |
I treated my appetite and ignored my need for low a cholesterol diet (shhhh! If you don’t tell my doctor, it doesn’t count), and had breakfast at WaffleHouse recently.
Karen is in her mid thirties, has two children and hates it when her kids stay home for snow days. She drives an older Nissan. She has a small space between her two front teeth that she tries to hide by rolling her lip over them when she is laughing. It doesn’t work.
The cook, an all but kid in his twenties, plans to get his GED this year and then study at the community college, or maybe join the Navy. He likes his job, and doesn’t cook rubber eggs. I think that is considered an accomplishment. I know my eggs were very tasty. I think his name is Mack, or Mick. He didn’t have on a name tag.
Betty is clearly the matriarch of the group. She smiles as she listens to the banter of the ‘younger’ staff. She moves effortlessly from one task to the next, often working ahead of the others. She greets regulars by their first name, or with a knowing nod. Her under the cuff comments to the others often brings a smile or a giggle. Betty is, and wants to be the Queen of the WaffleHouse.
As I sat at the counter, eating my cheese eggs, grits and butter soaked raisin toast, gazing at the laminated menu pictures of the many heart-stopping, artery clogging, cholesterol enhanced foods, this thought crossed my mind: Is there really a difference between any of our lives, other than the package that our life might reside in?
Before the days of Starbucks, when cell phones came with shoulder straps and discount compact disks could be ordered from a foreign land known as Columbia – fine coffee came mail order from Gevalia.
Gevalia (not unlike its beefy cousin Omaha Steaks) was the market leading - direct to your home -brand for fine coffee. Gevalia’s coffee could be had as a subscription, delivered directly to your door via the convenience and speed of the US postal service. All one had to do was fill out the paper order form, stamp it and mail it in (no pesky internet back in those days) and for those lucky customers who watched the limited special offerings, one could grab a free coffee maker or drink ware set.
Today’s Sunday Coffee Cup is the lone survivor of our Gevalia period. At some point we acquired a set of “limited edition imported fine porcelain mugs.” This one fossil remains, a remnant of Swedish descent bearing the gold seal and commission “”By Appointment to His Majesty The King of Sweden.”
Thus I hoist the standard of the royal coffee of old and hereby proclaim, “Dang! I’m getting old.”
(note: Gevalia appears to still be in the business of delivering coffee and stuff, only now via the web.)
Have you ever thought about how text conversations just stop in random places for hours or days, and we're totally ok with that?
My family is loving, supportive and deeply interested in my work as a writer and blogger. Case in point.
My brother obviously reads diligently my Sunday Coffee Cup post each week. He is, no doubt, humored, touched and deeply affected by the artistic creativity and intellectual prowess exhibited in each carefully crafted post. I know this, because when we visited this weekend (the first time we have seen each other since before Christmas), he presented me with a gift that is today's Sunday Coffee Cup.
He said he thought I needed it since I was so interested in cups.
Family.
My brother obviously reads diligently my Sunday Coffee Cup post each week. He is, no doubt, humored, touched and deeply affected by the artistic creativity and intellectual prowess exhibited in each carefully crafted post. I know this, because when we visited this weekend (the first time we have seen each other since before Christmas), he presented me with a gift that is today's Sunday Coffee Cup.
He said he thought I needed it since I was so interested in cups.
Family.
I was checking out of a local retail store and saw this. It's an accessory for your cell phone (see iPhone pictured) that connects an 'old style' phone hand set to your cell phone. Huh??!!
After a few years of using Twitter, I think I’ve discovered a secret code. What Our Tweets REALLY Say!
|
The
Tweet We Send
|
What We
REALLY Mean
|
|
@lesseraccount Thanks for the RT!
|
“Your suck-up has been duly noted. Get
back in line”
|
|
@godlyaccount Thanks for the RT!
|
“OMG! You noticed me… please, please
do it again. Please!”
|
|
@newaccount Thanks for the follow
|
“Yes. I know you worship me. Get back
in line”
|
|
@Celebrity Thanks for the follow
|
“LOOK AT ME!!! I’m somebody now!”
|
|
RT @you @somebody2 @somebody3 @afriend
#FF people
|
“I do this for you, but I better get
some followers and you owe me”
|
|
#FF @godlyaccount because they are the
bomb, funny and can walk on water
|
“Yes. I’m sucking up. Getting back in
line now.”
|
|
#FF @lesseraccount because they are
new to twitter, cute and funny
|
“Ok. Charity done. I pray that they
will remember this tweet if they become @godlyaccount”
|
|
“A clever, touching, cute quote” –
Famous Person
|
“I can’t really be bothered to think
for myself at this moment, but see how smart I am to find good quotes? Follow
me now!”
|
|
RT @someone “A clever, touching cute
quote” – Famous Person
|
"I can’t even be bothered to source by
own quotes, much less create something original. I’m in line."
|
|
Current Blog title with LINK
|
"I've written something and I’m begging
you to read it…heck you don’t have to read it just RT it or click on the
link. Come on little statistics grow!"
|
|
RT of a RT of your Tweet
|
"Look! Somebody thought I was clever. I’m
so clever! What a clever one am I!"
|
|
@someone LOOK! This is amazing w/ LINK
to something you’re selling
|
"I’m a SPAMMER"
|